The Facts: Intimate Partner Violence

STATISTICS IN CANADA

• 44% of women have experienced at least one intimate partner violence (IPV) incident in their lifetime.

• Young women ages 15-24 are three times more likely than women aged 25 years and older to experience IPV.

• Among people who experienced IPV in their lifetime (since the age of 15), women are about four time more likely than men (37% versus 9%, respectively) to have ever been afraid of a partner. 55% of women who experienced physical or sexual IPV feared a partner at some point.

• Women who have experienced physical or sexual abuse before the age of 15 were about twice as likely as women with no such history to have experienced IPV either since age 15 (67% versus 35%) or in the past 12 months (18% versus 10%)

• Indigenous women (61%) in Canada were more likely to have ever experienced IPV in their lifetime (since the age of 15) when compared with non-Indigenous women (44%).

• In 2021, 72% of female homicide victims were killed by an intimate partner or a family member.

• IPV increases significantly after natural disasters and economic recessions.

WHAT IS INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE (IPV)?

Intimate partner violence (also known as domestic violence) is a pattern of controlling behavior where one partner (either in a dating, domestic/live-in, or married relationship) seeks to gain control over the other. Contrary to popular belief, partner violence is just as harmful and serious to teen victims, not just adults. Many abusive behaviors are similar to red flags generally found in non-strangers while there are several that are unique to intimate partner violence (especially if the couple are parents or live together). Note that not all behaviors will be present in every case. Still, if a relationship has several behaviors or the frequency or intensity of a particular behavior, there is reason for concern:

• PHYSICAL ABUSE

  Any unwanted, harmful physical contact or attempt (whether or not it causes injury):

  • Uses or threatens physical violence on you, others or animals/pets (e.g., hitting/slapping, strangling, grabbing, pushing, spitting, biting, hair-pulling)

  • Uses or expresses interest in weapons to cause harm

  • Expresses anger through yelling, breaking, or throwing things (even if they don’t hit anyone)

  • Drives recklessly when angry

  • Has a substance problem with alcohol or drugs

  • Aggressive behavior escalates after substance use

  • Coerces or forces you into alcohol or drug use

  • Has a history with police encounters or a criminal record of violent behavior (e.g., assault, stalking)

• SEXUAL ABUSE

  Any unwanted sexual contact or use of sexuality to humiliate, hurt or control:

  • Makes degrading or unwanted comments about your body or sexuality

  • Talks about your intimate activities in public without your consent

  • Uses pornography even if you feel uncomfortable

  • Has an affair or threatens to have an affair

  • Accuses you of having an affair to justify their controlling behavior

  • Criticizes or controls your appearance, clothing, exercise and eating habits to suit their expectations (e.g., forces you to look “sexy” or cover up for him)

  • Uses your sexuality/sexual history against you (e.g., calls you “dirty”/”used up” for having previous partners)

  • Films or photographs explicit acts with you or of you without your consent

  • Forces or pressures you to nonconsensual sexual/physical contact or activity

  • Gets verbally or physically aggressive when you refuse sexual intimacy

  • Willfully exposes you to sexually transmitted diseases (e.g., lies about test results, or refuses to get tested)

  • Interferes with your contraception use and pregnancy:

  • Forces you to get pregnant

  • Tampers with your birth control and other contraception methods

  • Controls your choices while pregnant

• EMOTIONAL ABUSE

  Any actions or words meant to manipulate, confuse or control you:

  • Minimizes their behavior (e.g., “It’s not a big deal”)

  • Lies and/or denies your recollection of events (e.g., “I never said that”)

  • Actions do not align with their words (e.g., He says interrupting is rude but interrupts you in an argument)

  • Ignores you after a fight or for no reason at all

  • Plays the victim and blames aggressive behavior on:

  • Alcohol or drugs (e.g., "It's the booze talking")

  • You or other people (e.g., "You’re the reason I get like this", “This is how I was raised”)

  • Pressure from work/studies (e.g., "I get like this when I’m stressed)

  • Uses ultimatums, including threats or attempts of self-harm, to pressure you into complying (e.g., “You’ll do it if you love me”, “If you tell anyone about this, you’ll be sorry”)

• SOCIAL ABUSE

  Any actions or attempts to isolate you or control your ability to seek support:

  • Controls who you spend time with and your ability to connect with others (e.g., forces you to stop seeing family, hides your phone)

  • Behaves kindly towards friends and family but reserves hostile behavior towards you when no one else is around

  • Ruins your reputation (e.g., spreads rumors)

  • Threatens to “out” you if you are in a relationship that is considered taboo to your social circle (e.g., non-heteronormative, wide age/income gap, or different race/religion) which can lead to you losing support from friends and family

  • Enlists the help of friends and family to convince you to stay in the relationship if you are showing signs of wanting to leave

  • Uses friends and family to control you

  • Conducts surveillance on you (e.g., stalking, cameras in your room, GPS locator on your car, constantly asking your whereabouts)

  • Controls your movements within and outside your home or work/school (e.g., strict curfew, locked doors, or prevents you from traveling on your own)

• CYBER ABUSE

  Any actions that compromise your digital safety or privacy:

  • Posts or threatens to post private or embarrassing information, photos, videos or stories of you on social media

  • Uses your likeness or information without permission (e.g., deepfake videos, fake accounts)

  • Sends frequent, unwanted messages (e.g., threats, explicit images)

  • Coerces you to send explicit images or messages even if you feel uncomfortable (e.g., nudes, sexting)

  • Monitors your messages, email, or social media without permission or with forced permission

• FINANCIAL ABUSE

  Any actions that compromise your financial independence and security:

  • Steals, hides or controls your money

  • Withholds financial information

  • Spends your money without your consent

  • Refuses to pay back money/assets owed to you

  • Coerces you to commit financial fraud

  • Criticizes your spending (even if it isn’t excessive)

  • Belittles your financial contributions

  • Prevents or restricts you from working or moving forward at work (e.g., disrupts your meetings which causes you to get fired)

• SPIRITUAL ABUSE

  Any actions that damage you spiritually:

  • Uses religious beliefs (theirs or yours) to justify behavior (e.g., “It is god’s will”)

  • Attacks your beliefs

  • Restricts you from practicing your faith

  • Prevents your children from learning your faith

  • Isolates you from your faith community

  • Forces you to convert or adopt their beliefs

• FAMILY ABUSE

  Any involvement, manipulation, threats or use of your children or other dependents, to intimidate or control you:

  • Accuses you of being a terrible parent

  • Belittles you in front of the children

  • Lies to the children about you to rally them to their side

  • Threatens to take children from you

  • Threatens to harm or harms the children

  • If you are separated or in the process of separating:

  • Fights for custody of the children

  • Uses visitation to harass you

  • Refuses to pay child support

• MEDICAL ABUSE

  Any behavior that compromises or exploits your injury, disability or any chronic/acute health condition:

  • Insults or degrades you based on your condition

  • Refuses to bring you or forces that they should accompany you to appointments

  • Theft or extortion of your medical benefits

  • Intentionally provides inadequate and unsafe caregiving

  • Compromises your living conditions (e.g., smoking indoors)

  • Changes your medication without telling you

  • Withholds, hides, destroys or manipulates your medical equipment (e.g., walker, hearing aid, wheelchair, insulin pump, EpiPen)

  • Unwanted touching while assisting you with dressing, bathing or using the toilet

  • Demands sexual favors in exchange for caregiving

  • Withholds medical information from you (e.g., doctor’s recommendations)

I. INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE: MYTHS VS. REALITY

MYTH: IPV only happens in certain communities.

REALITY: IPV affects couples from all genders, ages, backgrounds, education levels, and economic classes. However, women experience IPV at much higher rates than men.

MYTH: Partner violence is a “private” matter between the couple and does not impact the community.

REALITY: IPV has a significant impact on the community including health, education, judicial, and law enforcement systems. Given its high prevalence, it is also likely that someone you know is a victim or survivor of abuse.

MYTH: Physical abuse is the most serious kind of abuse; other forms are not as harmful or serious.

REALITY: All forms of abuse are harmful and wrong, whether or not they are considered a crime (e.g., physical violence is a crime, while emotional abuse is not) or do not show visible physical signs (e.g., lack of bruises, cuts). “Ranking” abuse minimizes the harm it causes. Partners who have been abused are vulnerable to health conditions which include but are not limited to fibromyalgia, chronic pain, cardiac illness, sleep disorders, anxiety, depression, substance abuse and general decline in life quality.

MYTH: Partners who stay in the relationship are exaggerating the abuse, or they would’ve left if it was really serious.

REALITY: Partners are at risk of greater violence before and after separation. Leaving an abuser can be very dangerous if the partner does not have a safety plan and the support to escape. Victims may be unable to get help due to various financial, emotional, and social barriers, as well as a lack of awareness or access to available resources. Some partners may not even be aware that they are experiencing abuse because of social or cultural beliefs and would not leave out out of "duty" to their relationship (e.g., "wives should always submit to their husband's wishes.")

MYTH: Anger management and/or couples therapy can help stop the abuser’s behavior.

REALITY: Many abusers knowingly calculate their actions towards their victim, which means their use of violence is not from a lack of self-control. Couples therapy is also ineffective, because abuse is not a relationship or communication problem. Therapy can be used against the victim by the abuser, and the abuse may not be addressed at all by the victim due to fear of retaliation, all of which makes the process useless and dangerous.

MYTH: Children of abused parents aren’t negatively affected unless they are actually abused.

REALITY: Youth who witness domestic violence are at a higher risk of developing mental health issues, including depression, antisocial behaviors, trauma-related symptoms, substance abuse, and self-harm. Children are also at risk of imitating or enduring the abusive patterns modeled by parents or relatives, in their own relationships.

---

II. CYCLE OF ABUSE

The Cycle of Abuse is the pattern of behaviors that is used to exert power and control over the partner. Like their behaviors, the cycle of abuse is within the abuser’s control, which means nothing their partner can do or say will influence or prevent the outcomes. The duration and effect of each phase varies for everyone and can be unpredictable, with the phases blurring together, or the abuser jumping from phase to phase in an instant or lingering on one before moving to the next.

• TENSION BUILDING

  During this phase, the target is subjected to seemingly minor yet hurtful behaviors:

  • Silent treatment

  • Putdowns (e.g., sarcasm, accusations, insults, faultfinding)

  • Sudden mood changes (e.g., going from happy to sullen)

  Although these behaviors are not violent, the partner feels threatened and alleviates the abuser’s anger with the hopes that their behavior will keep the violence at bay (e.g., acting on the abuser’s desires to "keep the peace.")

• EXPLOSIVE INCIDENT

  This is the most dangerous phase as the hostile behavior becomes physically violent or verbally hostile:

  • Physical/sexual assault

  • Yelling/making threats

  • Throws/breaks things

  The partner may lie about the incident, delay or not seek medical attention despite the severity of their injuries (e.g., “The bruises don’t hurt”), or minimize the aggression (e.g., “It wasn’t that bad, we didn’t argue for too long.”)

• HONEYMOON OR AFTERMATH

  After the explosive incident, many abusers try to win back their victim’s approval by showering them with their “good side.” This phase is called the Honeymoon, which may be similar to the start of the relationship:

  • Apologies, and promises to change

  • Being considerate and patient (e.g., helping around the house)

  • Giving gifts (e.g., jewelry, clothes, electronics, vacation)

  • Being affectionate and romantic (e.g., compliments, going on dates)

  Although it seems positive, it is manipulative as these acts are meant to convince the partner to stay, and not genuine efforts to stop the behavior. The Honeymoon can be very confusing for the partner, as it reminds them of what they want from the relationship and make them hopeful that the abuser will change. However, some partners can feel uncomfortable and pressured to accept the gifts and apologies, as the abuser may threaten them if they refuse (e.g., “Why can’t you appreciate what I’m doing for you?”)

  In some cases, there is no Honeymoon period at all but simply an Aftermath phase, in which the abuser ignores their partner without acknowledging the incident and returns back to the tension building phase.

---

DUE TO THE COMPLICATIONS AND RISK OF GREATER VIOLENCE AND ABUSE, TRAINED PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE MAY BE REQUIRED. FOR MORE INFORMATION, PLEASE PROCEED TO SUPPORT SERVICES.

---

“Abuse doesn’t come from people’s inability to resolve conflicts but from one person’s decision to claim a higher status than another.”

L U N D Y B A N C R O F T

• References

  • Bancroft, Lundy. "Why Does He Do That: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men." Penguin Random House LLC. 2002.

  • Cory, Jill & Karen McAndless-Davis. “When Love Hurts: A Woman's Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships.” Berkley. 2016.

  • Government of Canada. “An Estimation of the Economic Impact of Spousal Violence in Canada, 2009.” 2021.

  —. “Fact sheet: Intimate Partner Violence.” Women and Gender Equality Canada. 2022.

  • Snyder, Rachel Louise. “No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us.” Bloomsbury Publishing. 2019.

  • Sutton, Danielle. “Gender-related homicide of women and girls in Canada.” Statistics Canada. April 2023.

Exit

×

Safety Tip

Internet usage can be monitored and is impossible to erase completely:

• Learn more about digital security.

• Delete your history after visiting this site

Click on the green bar to exit the site immediately.