Stages of Self-Defense
The stages of self-defense are in response to potential and existing violence. The inverted pyramid above demonstrates the level of difficulty in escaping danger based on its proximity, with "avoid" at the top (when the threat is furthest from the target) and "fight" at the bottom (when the threat is closest and most dangerous). During the stages of self-defense, the target must depend on a variety of skillsets ranging from their awareness, verbal de-escalation and physical skills (e.g., run, hide, fight) for survival.
1. AVOID
Certain spaces are high-risk for perpetrators to find vulnerable targets. Avoid or exercise heightened awareness if you are in the following environments:
-
If predators cannot lure their targets into isolated places through charm, they will resort to force (e.g., blitz/sudden attack). Be aware of your surroundings:
• Pay attention to the people around
• Travel in well-lit public areas
• If public areas become dark and isolated, avoid them during those times
• Know the escape routes of your location
• Pay attention to oncoming traffic, parked vehicles, or shrubbery.
• If you’re walking, face oncoming traffic. This makes it difficult for a driver to follow you without being noticed.
-
Drug and alcohol consumption often precede assaults more frequently than assaults without its use. It is indisputable and factual that alcohol and drugs can impair motor functions and decision-making abilities.
Predators will always choose a target who is least likely to resist; an impaired target is preferable to a sober one. Understand that your motor functions and senses may be still impaired even if you limit your alcohol or drug consumption as the effects can differ for each individual. If you can, be sober. But should you choose to consume alcohol, consider the following safety tips:
• Always watch your drink being prepared for you
• Never accept a drink from anyone unless you have seen it prepared in front of you
• Never leave a drink or any of your belongings unattended at any time
• Have a trusted, sober companion to look after you and take you home
-
In some groups, violence is a reinforcing mechanism for membership or a means to solidify status. This is often the case in male-dominant gangs and fraternities, which also pair the use of alcohol and drugs, thus increasing the likelihood and severity of violence.
Public demonstrations can escalate into a riot as protesters may feel emboldened to act aggressively especially towards law enforcement, with innocent bystanders getting caught in the crossfire.
-
Avoid areas (no matter how public) known to have consistent gang activity as asserting dominance between rival groups often results in violence in public places (e.g., bars, clubs). Gang violence claims not only the lives of intended targets, but also passersby and mistaken identities.
If you work in a high-risk environment (e.g., security, law enforcement, emergency response, food and service, hospitality and tourism), and your employer does not already provide you with an emergency protocol, take extra precautions and have your own plan in the event of an incident.
2. RUN/ESCAPE
Sometimes, despite all your efforts to avoid conflict, you may end up at the wrong place at the wrong time. If you are in a situation that may escalate into an assault, or you are in range of an assault, if you can, create distance by leaving or running away. Running from danger is not cowardice; it is life-saving common sense. Note that if your belongings hinder your ability to run to safety faster (e.g., carrying a heavy backpack), leave them.
If you are in an isolated area, run towards public or well-lit areas.
Once you are in a public area, seek help from establishments or people around you.
3. HIDE
Hiding can buy you time to evade your attacker. Do your best not to be found, as some predators may lose patience and choose not to pursue you if you are too difficult to find. However, this may not always be the case and your secondary goal while in hiding is to get to a place where you can receive help.
Hide in places with exits: this allows you a chance to escape in case you are found. Avoid corners and tight areas as much as possible, as they limit your chances of escape.
Be quiet and silence all electronic devices (if you have any).
If you are in a room, lock and block doors, close blinds, and turn off lights.
If certain exits are blocked (e.g., locked door), make your own exit (e.g., break a window)
If you are near a public area, seek refuge in the nearest establishment where you have access to help (e.g., stores, transit stations)
4. TALK/YELL
Your words and voice are essential tools in your survival. Some potentially violent situations can be defused, while others cannot. In situations you are unable to defuse, getting to safety and attracting potential help is more useful. What’s important is to be able to identify the kind of conflict you are in first, in order to use the best option.
-
If you are dealing with a person who is behaving inappropriately or making you uncomfortable (but has not resorted to violence or threats), firmly set boundaries with your words and body language. Remember that you are not responsible for their reaction, it is their responsibility to stop the behavior.
STEP 1: ADDRESS THE BEHAVIOR
You will never know a person's intentions if you don't address their behavior. A reasonable person will respect your decision; a potential predator (or toxic individual) will insist on getting their way. As you set your boundary, express how it makes you feel and set your expectations of future behavior:
e.g., "I don’t feel comfortable when you try to hug me, stop doing that. If you don’t stop, I will report you to HR.”
STEP 2: STAND YOUR GROUND
If the person stops the behavior and does not escalate, no need for step 2. If the person attempts to dissuade you, simply repeat your expectations.
Remember to avoid saying "no" with an excuse (e.g., "I'm not interested in hugs right now"); otherwise your decision will be unclear (e.g., If you say “not now”, they will assume you will eventually be comfortable with their hugs in the future).
STEP 3: AVOID (OR LEAVE)
If your boundaries are still ignored, leave or avoid them as much as possible. If the perpetrator is a non-stranger you see frequently, and you cannot distance yourself completely (e.g., you are unable to locate, or change class schedule/work shift), be hyper-aware to prevent further interaction and keep your distance. If they keep testing your boundaries, continue to enforce them.
STEP 4: REPORT (OR GET HELP)
If the person still persists despite your efforts to avoid them, report the situation to those with authority to remove, expel, fire or keep the person away from you (e.g., older relative, boss, principal, law enforcement). If you are ignored, and the problem continues, keep looking for someone who will help.
-
The keys to de-escalation are:
• A relaxed, neutral body language (e.g., no smiling, looking smug, eye-rolling, glaring)
• Calm, polite, non-combative responses (e.g., “I don't want any trouble, so I'll leave”)
When dealing with a person antagonizing you into a fight, de-escalating is an option to minimize the potentiality for violence. Remember: escalating antisocial aggression is never worth it.
If you are unable to leave or the threat doesn’t leave: keep your distance and pay attention to their body language in case they attack. Avoid combative expressions (e.g., insults, threats) as they can aggravate the other person.
If you are being threatened for your possessions (e.g., mugger demands your wallet or car keys), give them without complaint: material goods can always be replaced, your life is irreplaceable. If you are left alone afterwards, leave the area immediately and seek help in case the perpetrator returns.
-
When a person is already using physical violence, setting verbal boundaries and de-escalation are useless: attract attention by yelling “no”, “help”, “stop” to expose the situation as bystanders can either stop the attacker, record the incident as evidence, or call law enforcement.
If your attacker is a non-stranger (e.g., partner, family) yelling “I don't know this person” may convince bystanders to intervene as the situation now looks to be stranger violence as many people are reluctant to intervene in a non-stranger assault due to beliefs on privacy.
Yelling can also surprise the attacker, who may freeze momentarily, which buys you time to escape or fight.
5. FIGHT
If you cannot avoid, run, hide, de-escalate or receive help, fighting is the last option. Especially if the predator attempts to abduct you, do everything you can to resist: violence in public by a predator guarantees (greater) violence in isolation.
-
Striking at random parts of the body can be ineffective as the effect relies on the perpetrators pain tolerance, which varies depending on their build and experience. In self-protection, fight effectively means causing injury, not just inflicting pain. An injury is the result of bodily harm that impairs bodily function (e.g., breathing, seeing, moving, grabbing) and requires medical attention to heal.
The body has several vulnerable points, which if struck with enough force, can cause not only immense pain, and hinder mobility. Effectively hitting these areas does not require expert level fighting, but precision and commitment to striking them with force:
• A strike to the eyes disrupts sight
• A strike to the nose, throat, solar plexus (center point between the chest and the stomach), liver or spleen interrupts normal breathing
• A broken knee or foot prevents standing/running
• A broken elbow or hand prevents a strong hold or grip
Note that these specific areas are not invincible after training them, which means anyone (no matter how big or experienced) can be vulnerable if these areas are struck with enough force.
-
Combat is risky and unpredictable: leave hesitation, doubt, and politeness out the window. No matter how you feel (e.g., exhausted, frightened), your desire to live is the strongest feeling you need to have. Many survivors attribute their escape to a heightened sense of will to overcome their fears and, in some cases, injuries, to physically stop their assailant.
-
If you have managed to subdue your assailant (e.g., unconscious, injured), or you have an opening to escape, leave immediately. Your main goal in self-defense is to escape danger, not to dominate your assailant or “teach them a lesson.”
-
If the predator threatens you with a weapon for your items (e.g., a mugger points a gun at you), give them without complaint or resistance. Material goods can always be replaced, your life is irreplaceable.
If the predator threatens you with a weapon to bring you into an isolated location, comply or negotiate until there is a clear escape, or the assailant puts down the weapon. If you gain control of the weapon, ensure the assailant does not regain control of it.
“It is better to avoid than to run,
better to run than to de-escalate,
better to de-escalate than to fight,
better to fight than to die.”
R O R Y M I L L E R
-
• Larkin, Tim. "Survive the Unthinkable: A Total Guide to Women's Self-Protection." Rodale Books. 2013.
• Miller, Rory. "Meditations on Violence." YMAA Publishing Centre. 2008.
—-. "Facing Violence." YMAA Publishing Centre. 2011.
—-. “Conflict Communication: A New Paradigm in Conscious Communication.” YMAA Publishing Centre. 2015.
• Sochting, Ingrid, Fairbrother, N., & Koch, W. J. “Sexual Assault of Women: Prevention Efforts and Risk Factors.” Violence Against Women, Vol. 10. 2004.
• Thompson, George J. & Jerry B. Jenkins. “Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion.” William Morrow. 2013.
• Warshaw, Robin. "I Never Called it Rape." Harper Perennial. 2019.
